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BASS VIOLATOR
WELCOME TO MY THOUGHTS
Thoughts is a space for my reflective writing as i explain my challenges, express my feelings and experiences with music, mental health, creation and the artistic path. I aim for this to be an interactive space. I hope you can find something you enjoy here. Feel free to leave your thoughts or suggestions.
ART...LIFES RECURSIVE CANVAS🎨
INTRO
Art, life's anchor.
Life feels like a recursive canvas — constantly shifting, repainting, layering over what once was. It reflects who we are now through steady but sometimes rigid brush strokes, mixed with impulsive splashes of color. It’s really no surprise that art imitates life, and life in turn imitates art.
A great number of people are born with a need to express, to turn feelings into tangible form, thoughts into rhythm, memories and premonitions into colorful vivid images. The artist’s journey is rarely a straight path paved in confidence and clarity. It’s a winding road filled with detours, overgrown trails, technical roadblocks, abandoned paths and moments where you wonder if you should’ve ever taken this route at all.
Being an artist means walking that road knowing you might never arrive at your fixed destination. It’s showing up for something sometimes only you believe in—even when no one else can see it yet.
Some days, the weight of comparison feels unbearable. You look around and see others winning awards, constantly publishing new works, growing platforms, going viral. And here you are, pouring your soul into work that barely seems to leave a ripple. Imposter syndrome settles in like a cold fog, whispering that you’re not as talented as you thought. Maybe it’s not your time yet and it might never be.
It’s exhausting. In the pursuit of visibility, we risk losing the quiet voice that first told us to create. And slowly, the work starts to feel like a forced performance rather than an act of honesty and truth.
CHAPTER 1
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Baby's First Canvas…
I remember very vividly in elementary school being asked by my teacher to use the crayons on our desks to draw an image or images of our favorite things. It could be our house, pets, family, car or just about anything. I was immediately compelled to draw my house. In my mind, it had an interesting design. The image lived clearly in my imagination, each detail distinct. With one quick and impulsive stroke, I drew the side wall of the house but immediately realized it was too big and began to pay more attention to proportions as I pieced the rest of it together. I hit my first obstacle: how to translate a 3D image onto a flat page. A part of me couldn’t help but glance over at my peers’ work trying to see how they were handling the task. Some were in their element—focused, undisturbed. A few had already finished, crayons neatly set aside.
I think this was an early sign of my anxious behaviors rearing their heads because a panic began to set in as I quickly tried to fix the oversized wall. I tried turning the awkward top section into a chimney. At that moment, I realized that the complexity of the design could not be translated with my primitive skills. I began to feel a strange type of fear settle in my being. My art began to feel inauthentic, but only to me. I quietly convinced myself that maybe I just wasn’t good at drawing.
Looking back, I think that might’ve been the first time I confused urgency with creativity.
That day left its mark, but I never walked away from creativity. If anything, it made me more curious about the ways people brought emotion and ideas to life.
2. Baby's First Thoughts
Even after that early moment of doubt, I kept coming back to art. I couldn’t explain why but I just knew I felt something shift whenever I was around it—whether I was reading, attempting to draw, listening to music, learning to play my favorite melodies or just quietly absorbing color and form in silence. The talents of the artists I observed were obvious, but I was always left asking so many questions about the how, when and especially the why behind the pieces and their inspiration.
3. Baby's First Steps
Around the same time of my failed drawing attempt, I had enrolled in piano lessons against my wishes. My teacher was a stern-faced Armenian woman with a soft voice and a short brown bowl cut hairstyle with rimmed glasses sitting perfectly on her small nose. Her two-story house felt grand—tall ceilings, white walls, furniture that looked expensive, with family photos and framed accomplishments strung across every wall. There was always a faint smell of food lingering in the air as the sounds of laughter and dishes and utensils falling into the sink carried from the kitchen into the living room where I was learning the basics of music theory. I hated the music aspect of my lessons and was constantly behind on homework and practice but something she said had always stuck with me. She told me that if all went well, I would be able to read any piece of music that was put in front of me and without hearing it, would be able to play it and anticipate the structure and melody. She definitely had perfect pitch and would glide her finger across the keyboard with such ease whenever she played. It was my goal to reach that level of proficiency. Little did I know what it would take in order to get there. My music lessons were often a struggle but the household itself nurtured a broader love for music and art.
My humble beginnings as a pianist!
4. Baby's First Brush Stroke….
It was always a bittersweet journey to her house. At the time, I failed to see the importance of my parents' investment but music was beginning to create a space in my mind that begged to be explored. Around Christmas time my dad pulled out his old vinyl and tapes as we gathered around the sound system to listen to Christmas classics by Bing Crosby and many other artists. I’d go through each record, asking every detail about the songs and artists. He knew just enough to keep me asking but I soon realized that he simply was not interested in keeping track of such details.
As the years went on my lessons continued and we had somehow begun a bit of a tradition at my house. My father had many old VHS tapes of classic movies, TV series, soccer games and music videos and we would all sit around the TV and watch them together. One series of tapes became my favorite. The variety show was a mix of classic funk, African, reggae and pop songs from the 70s and 80s.Some songs and videos deeply impacted me, sparking the desire to start my own collection. I took a blank tape from his cabinet, made a marking on it and began my journey of creating my personal music catalog. Over the years, my collection grew—and I started gifting mixtapes to friends and crushes alike. My classmates and I were constantly discussing music, trends and personal details about musicians and artists.
Some of my biggest inspirations from my early childhood
CHAPTER 2
5. Baby’s First Breakthrough… (Survivor)
I was officially a deep fan of music and couldn't go anywhere without it. Destiny's Childs Survivor had just come out and it was a huge hit. The melody would play in my head all day and one afternoon, as I sat down to practice my piano I decided, I'm going to learn how to play that melody. My true journey began at that moment. I struggled to find and remember the notes and their progression. But I was determined to learn. After what felt like hours, I finally completed my task. I matched the notes with the melody in my head and I had somehow matched the key in my initial attempt. Goosebumps rose as I played it repeatedly, picking up speed with each pass. It must be what a runner’s high feels like—only I was just sitting, playing a song I couldn’t stop humming. It felt like I had broken through something profound and I immediately became overwhelmed as hundreds of other melodies from the years of consuming music rushed to my brain. In that moment, I felt like I had a gift from something beyond and I swore right there, to honor it and become a musician. And to this day, I’m still figuring out exactly how to do that. My practices were officially split between the theory and learning how to play my favorite songs or play along to songs on the TV.
All my older siblings played a key role in my love and passion for music as they all had classical training in piano as well and could all actually read and play music accordingly. They were always coming home with mixtapes, mix CDs and cd cases filled with current and old music and I would copy all of it onto our old Compaq Presario desktop PC when they were asleep or out of the house. My ear was well-trained, but my technical skills lacked practice and structure.
Music my siblings showed me growing up!
As the years went on I continued to explore and dive deep into the world of music but it mostly seemed to compile works to create a themed feeling rather than invoking emotions through my own creations. Looking back, I think it was because I lacked real life experience and training that I could properly translate into my own music. I also didn't write enough to fully be confident in my work just yet. Yet, I continued to sharpen my blade and stay the course. In middle school, I began listening to a lot of EDM music and became obsessed with the progressions and the accompanying vocal arrangements. These anthems always set the tone, and I became infatuated with uncovering what made them so powerful. People would come to me for custom cd’s and mixes because I had music that was hard to find in some instances. That opened the door for many friends and acquaintances to always update me with new music news as well as fully cracked software’s as well as trial versions. By the time high school approached, I was a budding DJ in the making.
6. Music Man
There were so many different cultures and influences around me, my world of music grew to an amazing web of endless connections. A high school friend of mine had been telling me about a drag and drop producer software called EJAY hip hop 5. He was waiting for the disc to arrive and had promised me first dibs. It was a collection of drum, vocal and melodic samples that could be arranged to your liking in a grid. I found it very easy to piece together fragments of beats. I was quickly learning the fundamentals of how to structure and arrange intros, bridges, hooks and solos. I felt like an official producer even though these pieces of work were not truly mine. I burned a cd with seven of my best beats and would hand them out like candy to anyone who showed even the slightest interest. I felt like they were rap ready and tried to get all my rapper friends to write to them. The intention to include as many people as possible in my art had started early but it was hard explaining my vision to people who didn't have the depth or interest.
I was slowly becoming known in circles as the music man. My memory for songs and melodies became so sharp, friends would turn it into a game—testing me just to see if I’d miss. I had also made it my mission to collect songs and burn hundreds of CDs with themed mixes for every occasion. I knew what songs worked well together and subtly began my journey with mixing as one of the earliest versions of virtual DJ had just dropped.
CHAPTER 3 My Sound Awakens
7. Rapper or producer?
One sunny Saturday afternoon, as I attended a French high school party and the energy was at an all-time high. The DJ seemed to know exactly what to play and a freestyle circle had even formed outside as emcees from different schools would showcase their various skills. The energy and connectivity that day is something that always replays in my memory. In the middle of a powerful French cypher, a tall young man emerged from behind the crowd and called me by name and asked me If I was the rapper/musician he had heard about. He said he was a producer in the making and was interested in crafting me a sound and would love to hear my thoughts. He said he had a schoolmate who was on a similar journey and would love for us to connect at some point. He handed me a blank cd with The Real DF... (The Real Demonstration For) with my name scribbled on it in marker. I slid it into the vest pocket of my jacket and swore to listen once I had gotten home.
After getting home from a long night of partying, I sat in my dark bedroom, glued to the computer screen. I popped the cd into my desktop and opened windows media player and hit play on track one. Each track change overwhelmed me with joy. I kept standing up and sitting down, unable to stay still. I had to take a smoke break just to process the music's impact on me. The melodies, drums, and subtle traditional instruments scattered throughout the beats transported me to another universe. The progression and subtle builds and changes began forming a structure and giving the sonic chaos meaning. I was determined to finish at least one of these songs but struggled because I had started writing to all of them. I tried for weeks to write different songs but nothing seemed to stick. I had somehow built up this pressure to perform well and had placed the task outside of myself. I had once again convinced myself that I might not be able to follow through even though I was meant to.
We had been texting back and forth about my writing and his growth as a producer and began to make plans to meet up. He told me he had recording capabilities at home and would love to try recording a record with me. Of all the beats, one in particular stood out to me. It was called Migraine, and he had written it when he had one of the worst headaches of his life. With a low growling bass line layered with beautifully placed crisp hi hats, the beat was knocking through my speakers. I began to write about the only thing I truly felt confident rapping about, smoking weed.
8. The Cough Song
We had decided to meet up one rainy Saturday afternoon and as he gave me a tour of his place he led me to his bedroom where I saw a large grey midi keyboard hooked up to an acer laptop running an early version of fruity loops. It was the first official home studio setup I had ever seen in person. I sat down and admired it in awe as I rolled a joint by removing the tobacco from a cigarette and replacing it with some low-quality buds I had ground up. He joked about my innovation and boldness as I got ready to get in the zone. I stepped outside to smoke, retreating into a cul-de-sac lined with private gates. Paranoid, scared, ambitious, and overwhelmed, I smoked while darting over my shoulder and looking out for police and angry neighbors. I paced back and forth rehearsing my raps gaining confidence with each run through. It was finally my moment and I stepped into the room with bloodshot eyes feeling quite parched. He hurried to the kitchen and returned with a cold glass of water and asked me if I was ready. I had never been readier for anything.
With a blanket draped over my head and my body halfway inside a closet, I began my first song recording experience. I coughed into the mic as I overheated and quickly ran out of breath. Through the many breaks and constant coughing, we were able to bounce a rough version of my first official song, The Cough Song. A smoker’s anthem to unite all the stoners worldwide. I couldn't go anywhere without playing it. Restaurant speakers, headphones, public transportation and my friends' cars. Mesmerized by the sounds in my friends' beats layered with my vocals, I left it on repeat. My creativity had hit an all-time high and I constantly had new ideas bouncing around in my brain. I felt confident in creating music due to my many years practicing piano and even playing Beethoven symphonies by memory at recitals. I'm still in awe that after ten years of classical piano training, I couldn't read written music but could play by feeling and memory, even if not perfectly. That rainy day planted the seed for what would become a lifelong pursuit of creating the perfect collection of songs.
CHAPTER 4- Sonic Alchemy
9. The Bass Boom
After several weeks of exchanging edit ideas and new concepts for songs, I finally received a cracked version of fruity loops from my new producer. I sat in front of my computer feeling like a modern hacker when I copied and pasted the registration key into a section on my screen. It was a success and I was overcome with a deep sense of accomplishment. I got right to work and started to attempt to make beats by drawing in each note individually in the piano roll. I had no idea what I was doing and I didn't even know how to change the tempo yet but had somehow still made tens of different styled beats all with original melodies and using the primitive type to voice function to create my first official producer tag. With my first official production loaded into garage band, I called on my good friend Haze to add some vocals on it with his brother as the hype man.
As I sat in front of the computer one afternoon after school I was clicking and dragging each and every button trying to figure out what it did and had accidentally changed the BPM and turned on the metronome. My piano training kicked in and I sat and toyed with until the metronome matched the beat in my head. In an instant, I laid down a melody and drum beat—gradually building it until my verse dropped. I sat for hours playing my loop over and over again until I had successfully written my first song to an original production. I called it the N.O.X.Y anthem after our group name. I specifically remember not smoking afterwards because I was in such awe. I was slowly becoming an artist. I eventually received the project file for The Cough Songs and gained new insights into beat making and song structure. I analyzed it for hours before trying to craft a remix. All I did was reverse the bass line melody and spice the drum arrangement up a bit and I had officially made my first remix. I once again called on Haze for help with vocals and added my friend Lil jay who rapped in French.
I burned a few CDs and began taking them everywhere with me. Sharing my creation with friends was exhilarating — and the reception, even better. Our group began to grow in members and hype men. I was surrounded by art and artists and I began to slowly but surely piece together my first official collection of works. I was constantly inspired by my peers and was hoping to rise through the challenges together, but for whatever reason, nothing seemed to really stick and I continued to create and learn my way around the DAW. Looking back now, I can confidently say the lack of uniform direction, structure and mentorship is what kept me from breaking through.
Challenges…
Despite my clear and growing passion for music, the lack of clear guidance and uncertainty of a music career kept casting shadows over my dreams. I always struggled with translating my ideas to form but I could use all other forms of music artistically and was a full fledged DJ and rapper although I wasn't that good. In my experience music wasn't a safe investment for a stable future so I ended up aiming to study business in college. Most of my peers drifted away from the dream but I held on, and it was this hope that my sound finally began to develop in college.
A Rockstar is born…
My first year of college was a complete culture shock to me. I had no friends within a decent distance and was struggling to make sense of the social mannerisms and some of the practices of college life. I lacked a sense of community and was struggling mentally but something happened that changed my life one night as I patiently painted notes into the piano roll on fl studio 6. I found a sound that hummed to the tune of a sharp electric guitar and began to piece by piece put the melody together. I rushed to my fridge to grab an ice cold ginger beer and lit up a joint and stayed glued to my screen as I clicked and punched buttons on my keyboard. In a swift movement, I jumped up, knocking over the last bit of ginger beer with my hands to the sky. I had finally written a beat I knew would change how people felt and I was sure of it. I clutched my chest and cried as I hit play to listen to the final version. I couldn't wait for the world to hear it. I sent it to everyone I knew and the response was more than I could even hope for. “This is the one,” my brother told me. I immediately sent it to my producer friend who was the reason I had further explored music production. He was so moved by my work he told me he was going to remix it with live guitar and give it new life.
Rockstar- All-stars
One afternoon as I took my time walking home from my classes I got a call from him. He asked where I was and how soon I could check my inbox. I rushed home and turned on my computer and loaded the email.
The Rockstar All Stars live remix was now downloading and I clicked on it so it would play as soon as it had downloaded. The soft sounds of pads erupted from my speakers which I had turned all the way up in anticipation. The soft strums of guitar melodies in the same key played and a drum beat slowly peaked through the song as the filter slowly uncovered it. The sound fx were perfectly placed and built a soundscape that made me so emotional I began to cry.
I felt outside of myself as I wiped my tears and began pacing around the room. I felt like I was a part of something that the world needed to hear. I immediately began looking at music schools to apply to and decided I was going to submit both songs. I chose to write a piece on my favorite artist at the time Roisin Murphy, who just released an amazing piece of work i still listen to this day called Overpowered.
CHAPTER 5- HIGHER ALCHEMY
Higher Learning…
Acceptance came quickly, and in that moment, I knew I had something worth offering — something I still needed to refine. I packed up my life and made my way to a new place with new dreams to dive into the industry. My classes seemed to fly over my head as I struggled to keep up with the lessons and tasks. All I wanted to learn was how to work in a studio with artists but classes about microphones and outdated consoles was all we focused on.
My music theory teacher had us do a few exercises in class to gauge our musical capabilities, in which I learned I had relative pitch and a pretty solid history of classical music and works. We were asked to present a current song that represented the importance of classical music in my theory class. I had just discovered dirty electro music by Wolfgang Gartner! I had such a big grin on my face as I turned up the speakers for maximum effect.
Higher Burning…
One day after a recording class a few students gathered going over the lessons and we decided to have a smoke session. 8 of us sat in a small room around a laptop and smoked as we played each other our works which eventually turned into jam sessions. Everyone had their own amazing skill or skill sets and could jump from role to role adding new elements. I stood out as the hook writer, lyricist and melody man. The chemistry was unmistakable and we were able to come up with concepts and finish writing just as quickly. It was really beginning to feel like I was in my prime but the harsh truth was, I still had yet to discipline my routine and time and therefore I always felt behind on everything. I spent countless hours overanalyzing my thoughts instead of acting on them and it really cost me a lot of progress.
I was getting better at my craft and made this song with classmates during my first year at music college> It was such a big deal to us we constantly met up to keep creating until one day we sat down to execute an idea about a concept we had previously discussed. After a few hours of talking and smoking we were able to settle on Waving from A Distance. ts
I poured my heart into my art and always dreamed bigger than I knew what to do with. All my ideas were layered and somewhat complex but I still took the time to develop them although I completed very few of them. I had become a full-fledged producer, evolving into a sound engineer, DJ, and songwriter — always hunting for the next chapter.
1st Rave...
As the weekend was approaching a friend of a friend sent out a mass text about an upcoming rave over the upcoming weekend. The description alone had me clearing my weekend plans. I had no idea what to expect but was ready to dive in.
I entered a large warehouse that featured over twenty DJs spread across 5 rooms. The first room I walked into featured a DJ dressed as Predator playing a psy-trance set. I immediately knew I was in for a ride. The dubstep room is where I stayed there the longest as I was hearing sounds I couldn’t have even imagined before. That room made the biggest impact on my artistry and that's when I decided to be a EDM DJ. I chose a new producer and DJ name and began crafting a sound. My sets were filled with unmistakable dirty electro, jump up, dubstep with a little rap influence sprinkled in there as I would rap over known songs and instrumentals. To this day I consider that period of time a top highlight on this musical journey.
I heard this song during a set in the house room and immediately fell in love.
Fueled by those electrifying jam sessions, I became obsessed with the idea of building something permanent — a crew, a collective, a movement. But I quickly learned: talent doesn’t always equal unity. Each group I helped form hit a creative high, and just as quickly, unraveled due to drama, lies and dishonesty. Each lesson served as a reminder to always stay true to the art above all else.
A canvas reworked…
As I still struggle to fully piece together my visions I refuse to settle. After decades of stress, doubt, discipline, sleepless nights and painful sacrifices, I was finally able to narrow down my creative flow and truly create with clear intention. Even in my attempts in higher learning in the music field I always lacked honest and true mentorship. At times, professors and tutors alike would laugh at my future plans and joke about how I should stick to beats. Before my true understanding of the use of samples I would passionately ask my peers how they were able to get such rich and refined melodies and instead of telling me, they avoided answering honestly which drove my curiosity. Years later, I finally learned the truth — they were using samples all along. It was a blessing in disguise because by then I had developed the skills to create and manipulate melodies on both sides of that coin. Wherever I would jam with groups, I would constantly be asked to lay down bass lines and write hooks and I and I never hesitated to jump in. I was so naive I just wanted to be present and create that that I failed to realize how some people were taking advantage of me. The music and the moment were all that mattered to me. In this sense ignorance is bliss because once you realize certain motivations and moves, you become a different type of person.
Now vs. Then
In the past few years I truly have become the type of artist I always dreamed of being as a young boy. By chance an acquaintance of a close friend granted me access to their studio which then housed about 8 artists all developing themselves and their art under that one roof. I was asked to create a beat on the spot and I did it with ease but I didn't really think much of it. Upon returning the following week, the label owner had featured members of the crew on a new single for his debut rap album. My connectivity with the members became a driving force in our artistic development. Every Friday afternoon, we would meet up in that tiny studio room and showcase ideas which eventually turned into us creating a powerful 14 track group album that I produced and composed and then wrote with the team members. By then I barely hesitated at a chance to tackle a sonic challenge.
In my pursuit of music and growth I knowingly ignored the clear and blatant intentions of my mentor. After discovering that he had registered my own works to his own label and an unknown publisher, I decided it was time to cut ties and truly focus on myself and my art.
Former members of the group and I took our time to develop a comprehensive guide to navigate the path of a developing artist and it boasts a 15-page length
I took a half decade break from DJ'ng and mostly became focused on writing and production as I tried to form an unmistakable sound. Once I felt successful there I eventually tried my hand at comic book writing and created an original story based on my music monikers while incorporating sound, spirituality, alchemy and other subject’s dear to my heart. While I still struggle with output, I am never short of ideas.
A recent audit of my archive uncovered canvases from years ago. Some of my most amazing work that lacked technical skill but musically was rich beyond even my current understanding. My archive now holds over 600 songs, ideas, remixes, bootlegs, and edits — a personal library years in the making.
After finally overcoming the obstacle of having a website and releasing my first original story I’ve made it my mission to finally bring every creation into the light — not just to share, but to live in the full truth of my sound, my story, and my evolution. Across my social media platforms, you can expect a wide variety of production reels such as Challenge Accepted, where I bring you closer to my creative process as I create and recreate pieces of art that have moved me. As a performer, you can also expect short music videos to beats by producers who I admire. I will also be launching a music video series called Minute premieres that features original raps and productions as well. After countless brush strokes, technique changes, and moments of doubt, this creative path has been long and winding. The difference now? My destination finally feels clear — and within reach. I’m grateful for the road I’ve taken and excited for where it’s headed next.